I have attended Home of Christ 6 (HOC6) since I was ten years old – meaning I’ve been here for 23 years, a little over two-thirds of my life. I can confidently say that HOC6 is where God wants me. However, I didn’t always feel this way.
In my youth, I couldn’t care less whether I went to church. HOC6 was where my parents made me come every Sunday. Once I started attending the English Ministry, my apathy turned to dread. My parents would drop me off at the hotel where the English Ministry held their Sunday service and where I knew no one. It was a room of strangers and I was at my most awkward and uncomfortable stage of life: middle school. Eventually, all the congregations met together once we had our own building. By then, I no longer dreaded going to church. Instead, I developed a bit of resentment. I couldn’t understand why I had to keep coming back to a place where I didn’t belong to and no one knew me. I would have continued in my bitterness if it weren’t for young disciples (yD), the youth group at the time. I didn’t realize how tired I was of being invisible, of not knowing what to do with myself until my parents came to pick me up. Now that I found yD, I no longer wanted to leave right away after church, I wanted to stay longer.
All I needed was to be seen, and once I was seen, I bloomed, and so did my faith as well. The timing couldn’t have been better, as I took my faith seriously right before I left for college. Looking back, I know I couldn’t have experienced immense growth in college if it weren’t for the catalyst of my spiritual journey: yD. So, you would think that I would come back to HOC6 after college grateful for how it has contributed to my faith and eager to serve as a way to give back. Unfortunately, I did not come back with a humble attitude, though at least I came back! Instead, I came back thinking that my stay was temporary because I had outgrown HOC6, having become so “spiritually mature” in college. In fact, HOC6 was going to be a stepping stone to a greater, better church – one with a coffee bar.
Even though I kept telling myself HOC6 was a temporary stay, I was thankfully very lazy about church hopping. The more I put off church hopping, the more involved I got in church, and the more stuck I felt at HOC6. The dream to leave was always there, especially during the difficult transition I had with changing leadership. I remember coming back from visiting my friend’s church in LA thinking how my friend was thriving in a lush rain forest while I was shriveling up in a desert at HOC6. I would have continued in this second bout of bitterness if it weren’t for my mother getting cancer and dying. I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to have any more major changes in my life and I realized how much people at HOC6 cared for my family after my mom passed away. I wanted to stay longer.
The longer I stayed, the more I served, and the inevitable happened: I was asked to be on the Leadership Team. Elder Dean gave me a month to think about it, so naturally, I took about six months to get back to him. I knew that if I committed to the Leadership Team (LT) I would have to attend regular meetings (shudder) and I would have to truly let go of the dream to leave. Most of all, I was struggling with my pride of how important I thought I was. Finally, God told me: “The church doesn’t need you. You need the church.” Despite all her flaws and shortcomings, God loves HOC6 so much. He is going to take care of her whether or not I am on LT, whether or not I stay. HOC6 is God’s. He will be there for her even when I am gone, even when everyone I know and love is gone. This was my most humbling moment. Free from my pride, I decided to be on the LT, further cementing my stay at HOC6.
Now, I didn’t think it was possible to lock in my stay at HOC6 even more until I signed the papers to be the Youth Director at HOC6 a year or two later. There were definitely a lot of growing pains and tears transitioning from a volunteer to a staff member and a lot of challenges that come with being a Youth Director. But I am convinced more and more every day this is where God wants me to be. Looking back at my history with HOC6, I realized that this was God’s plan all along. God had planted my love for the church long before it would grow and even when love sprouted, it would take time to bloom. It turns out the best kind of love takes time to grow.
After all these years, I am grateful for how HOC6 has always opened its door for me no matter how resentful, bitter, and prideful I was. I am grateful for how patient HOC6 has been with me when I didn’t care for her as well as I should have, when I looked down at her, and when I wanted to leave her. I am grateful that HOC6 didn’t give up on me as a youth, an adult, and as a staff. I am grateful for all the painful lessons she has taught me and the incredible joy she has given me time and time again. I am incredibly grateful for all the people I have met because of her, all the people that have shown me Christ’s love, all the people I love. Most of all I am thankful that she is where I met the greatest love of my life, Jesus.